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My New Enemy

7/18/2011

6 Comments

 
I have an new enemy.

Before I introduce him to you, I must set the scene.  I like to grow flowers.
 
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With all of the crazy heat we have had lately, my flowers were looking pretty neglected.  The garden was in dire need of weeding and my flowers just needed some TLC.  I decided to go out first thing this morning and work.  I thought the heat wouldn't be as bad at 8:00 in the morning.  I was wrong.  It's like a sauna out there!  So, I was covered in sweat, dirt, and looking mighty fine with my little gardening gloves on.  /sarcasm/

This was the scene of the attack:

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The bottom of this rose was pretty weedy and some rocks had fallen down around the roots.  I stuck my hands down and started raking the rocks toward me.  Then he attacked.
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I screamed so loud I bet my neighbors thought I had been shot.  I also proceeded in jumping around my front yard, shaking my hands and yelling awful things.  The little beast staged his attack on my knee and then ran away like a little coward.  OOOOOOOO!!!!  He wins again.

This little guy lives in my garden.  We have run-ins from time to time because he likes to live around the bottoms of my flowers.  It's cool there and I unknowingly give him a bath everyday when I water them.   I picture him laughing as I do this.  Then, when I try to pull weeds he attacks every time.  I know it is coming, I know he isn't really going to hurt me,  but every time he scares the living daylight out of me!

Now, I understand that I am invading him on his "turf."  We should both co-exist and get along.  Kumbaya and all of that.  But a few months ago, he crossed a line where there is no going back.

Warning:  this story could be TMI for some people.  If you are one that usually feels that way, you should probably stop reading now.  See ya next time!


Still here?  Ok........ here we go.

I woke up one spring morning, yawned, and made my usual trek to the bathroom to "ahem" relive myself.  I stumble inside the bathroom with my eyes half open (I am NOT a morning person and do not function until I have a shot of caffeine.)  Picture a zombie Lori.  I sat down and "ahemed."  As I was "aheming," I opened my eyes, and sitting on the bathroom floor in front of me and starring at me with his beady little eyes was that dang toad.

You can't make this stuff up, peeps.

I screamed, did my little angry dance (half-naked), and Bart flew into the bathroom thinking I was hurt.  It was a moment neither of us like to remember.  Ha ha.  Bart took him back outside and released him.  (I'm now thinking we should have taken him farther away.)   To this day we still can't figure out how the little creep got inside, made it down the hallway, and then staked out my bathroom.  See what I mean?  This guy means war.  
6 Comments
Charlotte Hardestry
7/18/2011 04:19:28 am

Oh, I can so relate!! I don't like creepy little creatures that sneak up on me when I least expect it either!! This was too funny!!

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Meme Janet
7/18/2011 08:12:46 am

Oh Lori, please don't hurt the little toad! As you know toads are my favorite small creatures. I guess it comes from living on a farm as a kid where there was an abundance of the little bumpy brown things. Remember the true story I told you about the time it actually rained toads !? Well it really happened when I was 8 or 9 one night about the time the lightening bugs came out. For a little girl who loved and loves toads it was truly a gift from heaven! I guess the way it happens is tadpoles are picked up through evaporation and then are dropped when they become little frogs and are heavy enough to drop. OK Science class is now over! But seriously if your toad is getting on your nerves bring him to town and I will take care of him for awhile! RIBBET!!!!!

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Donna K
7/18/2011 09:45:52 am

Thanks Lori....this one really made me laugh!

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Lori
7/18/2011 10:21:46 am

Janet,

I thought of you when I wrote this this morning! If I can catch him, we will send him your way. I would be ok with him if he didn't jump out and attack me when I was not expecting it. He seriously has a vendetta against me or something.... :D

Thank you ladies for posting. I sometimes get discouraged when I write something and don't get a response. Thanks for taking the time to post!

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Brooke F.
7/18/2011 08:32:58 pm

Lori, I should send Tom Feaster your way. He loves toads so much that they stay clear of him by miles and miles.

Also, only to make you feel better, I'll admit a couple of things. I'm not allowed to consider things creepy crawlies being married to a wildlife biologist...BUT... I am really scared of snakes and found one in my house once (second story...that dude was tenacious). Brad was out of town, I didn't have children yet, so I had to trap it myself. One of the most traumatic experiences of my adult life. I also had a really big toad that used to live in my garden, except he covered himself up with dirt so that only his eyes stuck out. I'm not scared of toads, but I developed such an irrational fear that he was going to jump out on me (which he did from time to time), so I can completely identify with you on that one!!! The only good part is now I have a seven year old who will love it TO DEATH! ;)

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Lori
7/21/2011 09:42:28 pm

Brooke!

Oh my lands....I would have flipped out if I found a snake! You are a brave woman!

I'm also glad you can relate on the jumping toad fiasco. I've never been scared of them before. It's the "gotcha" moment he likes to create that I can't handle. Reminds me of why I don't like watching scary movies like that either!

We just may have to have Tom come over here and catch him! :D

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    Lori.  Momma.  Noonday Ambassador.  Avid coffee drinker.  Lover of good music and books.  Former seamstress and teacher.  Wife of 13 years to Bart and the mother of Drew, Ben and Lincoln.     

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